Thanks be oh, great ones!

For each new morning with its light,
For rest and shelter of the night,
For health and food, for love and friends,
For everything Thy goodness sends.
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Yeah, it's been a while since I've done this. 'Ware the stickiness, because it's about to get sappy in here.

We are just past the day of the Great Turkey Massacre 2010 (except for all of you out there that butchered that poor defenseless Soy tofurkey... you monsters...).

I've seen a bunch of posts on what you are all thankful for.
Here's mine.
Sort of...

Having gone through the Great WTFBBQ that was 2009, I walked into 2010 with an open minded anticipation, hard won optimism and a bit of dread, would this be a repeat of last year? That nasty, stupid fat hobbitses of a year?
But, through the support of my friends, my quite formidable confidence in my own abilities (Yeah, totally not arrogant at ALL, am I?) I took the step forward.
Things did not immediately get better, but they most definitely didn't suck, no major illness or the usual host of injuries I somehow manage to sustain through the obstacle course of my life. Somehow the first few months manage to pass without incident. I remained confident that 2010 was going to be a better year.

Once again, July tried to prove me wrong.
In case you haven't followed the Book of James, July hates me. Apparently, somewhere in the past, I insulted July's mother, and now it wants to engage in fisticuffs with me each year, and when I attempt to avoid or otherwise postpone it's satisfaction, it hits me when my back is turned.

This year was unfortunately no different than the past few.
However I decided I'd roll with the punches it threw, rather than let it knock me down again, tossed it the Finger, and kept going into August.

Getting down to Burn this year was a difficult experience. More bad luck, from exploding car to overused and in need of replacing camping equipment, to literally not having time to prepare for the event due to replacement of housemates, tried to deter me and eliminate my Burning Man plans and visiting my very dusty family and home.

Screw that, I was going. I made it work and by god I was glad I did.

People often talk of a crucible and catalyst moments in their lives, and all the Burn Hippies (I love you guys, but lets call a spade a spade, though this doesn't actually apply to ALL of my friends that go there) admire the event for these deep and meaningful conversions and epiphanies of their lives post-burn.
Yeah, no... I usually work for most of it, so I guess I never get that experience.
Instead, working there, which could have happened anywhere, but it just happened to be there, taught me some things about myself.

I'll share them.

I have a bit of a martyr complex. Not in a way that I desire to receive compliments or praise for working so hard, but rather I have a tendency to push myself incredibly hard to 'Get Shit Done' that I sometimes forget that other people are there to help me and get it done as well. And this reflects on them as I don't trust them to do it. I have noticed that I do it at work, Dickens and a few other places. I think this falls into my being a bit of a perfectionist in the things I throw my heart and mind it. I want it to worth my energy, and when I see it not being treated with the same near-fanatical energy I devote to it, with the love I give it, it is frustrating to me.

This leads me into the second point.

If I am passionate about something, I am a very bad instructor and mentor in it.
This weekend at Dickens combined with the Burn experiences actually define that incredibly well.
In about 30 seconds this weekend, I taught a couple to dance the Waltz, the first time they had ever done it, and after I taught them they immediately went to the dance floor for the next Waltz, went to the middle, and proceeded to hold their freaking own. The pride I felt was immense. Yeah, I could teach a dance well. And while I enjoy dancing, it's never been anything more than peripheral to me. I love it when I feel a connection with my partner, but that is more my enjoying the personal connection than the actual dance itself. I have trained myself to be a good dancer so I can enjoy that connection more, but simply because as a good dancer it provides better opportunities since I don't have to struggle or concentrate on the dance. So I can teach dancing.
Explaining what I do at Burn and teaching people how to devote themselves to a job, even a volunteer one, that I have done passionately and with a fervor bordering on fanaticism for years, that I love doing dearly... That I cannot teach. I can teach the basic job easy enough probably, but trying to show someone how to approach a standard achieved by near total devotion to the job is hard, and unfortunately shows and acts as a detriment when mentoring.

I'm thankful for the people who know this, understand, and told me so that I could better work on moderation and teaching.

I walked out of Burn realizing that my passive nature was causing a lot of Drama unintentionally. My desire to avoid confrontation actually caused more. Between rumor mongering around me that I refused to slap down, to actual drama that I'd back down from. It was creating more stress than I needed. And I needed to stand up against it. I got aggressive. I've probably offended a few people too, but really if they got offended by my deciding that I needed less drama in my life, and by discovering they couldn't roll drama over me anymore, then they sort of had it coming and I'm overall better off. Here's how:

James Recipe for avoiding Drama:
1 Cup of STFU: Don't start it. Nobody cares about who and who with what on who's backyard and who was invited. You really don't need to know, and nobody else except the specific parties involved needs to either.

1/2 Cup of Talk to the Hand: The easiest way to stop drama, at least for yourself, and if everyone does it, is if someone starts, plug your ears and "lalalalalalalalala I'm not listening Lalalalalla' or flat out say, "I DON'T CARE" to anyone attempting to tell you said rumors or gossip. Schadenfreude be damned, you really don't need to know who is hooking up with whom and you are better off not until it becomes obvious (If they are snogging in public, that's fairly damn obvious, you can talk about it then, because it's no longer gossip), or who broke up with who and who's available and omg why this person did show up that day. Get over yourselves, nobody cares how much you know about other people's lives. You're acting like you're still 7 years old playing playground politics to get people to like you by knowing everything about everyone.

2 Cups of Privacy: Facebook is great, stay connected with friends, keep up with their lives, see fun photos of their vacation in ... Holy god my eyes! Gah, no I never wanted to see a picture of you naked Jello Wrestling on Marti Gras... Some things should be kept private. Don't feed the gossip machine, control what you don't want the world to talk about by not airing the laundry to the damn world.

1 Cup of Dealing With It: Man the hell up and grow a pair. If you have a problem with someone, confront it and talk about it. If you have problems with them that you think might end up harming you and really for girls, we understand that you see the world differently since even some of the weaker guys can be stronger physically, then call in an authority figure. Don't send friends around to deal with it, don't be passive aggressive and let it fester. Lance the damn abscess and let the nasty ooze out and away. Deal with your own problems. You aren't children anymore, nobody is to blame for your problems except your own actions, so you might as well deal with them yourself.

Following this recipe, I've cut 90% of the drama from my life. Some is unavoidable, but I'm not trying to avoid it anymore, I'm instead confronting it when I run into it. And by damned, it goes away a hell of a lot faster.

Since August, as I am not progressing on to my original reason instead of a rant, a few more things have happened.

I've started to enjoy my life a lot more. Between finding a new job, losing a lot of the weight gained through the various injuries and illness, going out more often, but not falling into the same patterns. Doing things I love and cutting out things I only do because of following a usual pattern. Encouraging myself towards a future. And establishing friendships on the foundations already in place.

Yeah, it's been a busy three months. And this last one is likely to be busier.
I'm now at Dickens, and between the job and the weekends, I'm dead on my feet some days. And I freaking love it. Because I'm appreciated for what I do, but I am learning to balance it, take care of myself better and moderate.

In short, I decided to grow up. I care about what matters, I cut out what doesn't rather than allowing it to sit and puss up.

I'm thankful I learned to be a better person this year, and I'm thankful to those who helped me.

I'm not even going to start naming names, because I'd probably cap this blog character count out.

But... *WARNING* SAPPY AHEAD
Ahem... Now that that interruption is over...
My friends are my pillars, while I've been learning to stand on my own, and create the solid foundation to stand on, they have been there for me. They have dealt with my whining and complaints, exultations of triumph and crushing defeats. And they, you, are always there to prob me back up on my feet, dust my shoulders off, and push me back in screaming 'Fight, FIGHT, FIGHT!' like a high school schoolyard brawl, just with less slapping like a pansy ass and more actual brawl.

I'd still be here without you, but I wouldn't be the person I am. This year may or may not have been this good without your support and you have more thanks than I can ever express in words.
I keep trying to find the right ones, I spend a little time each day scouring books, blogs, quotes and dictionaries to find out how to say thank you to all of you.

I haven't found anything perfect, and I doubt I will except for the unspoken words I give you when I hug you as thank you for being my friend, but here's something to go by for now.

The most I can do for my friend is simply to be his friend. I have no wealth to bestow on him. If he knows that I am happy in loving him, he will want no other reward. Is not friendship divine in this?
- Henry David Thoreau

To all of you I am thankful. And 2010, if it was good or bad, let us together as friends finish off this December in a style they will remember and sing songs of for ages to come. And then kick off 2011 on notes that will shatter steel around the world.

-James